Dear Uterus--
I find your lack of regularity disturbing.
Last month you decided to surprise me by having Aunt Flo show up early. 4 days early. This month, we're right at 28 days, and she is nowhere to be found. How do you actually make these decisions? 24 days, 27 days, 31 days. I know that you're not susceptible to the usual external influences, boldly setting your own schedule even in the face of synthetic hormonal pressure.
I expect that perhaps you're cranky at me for not providing you an embryo to nurture. Let's face it, Uterus, that while I trust you to do the right thing with an embryo, you really should trust me with the aftermath. Do you realize that mammals occasionally eat their own young? Do you want to take that risk with something of your own creation? Do you? Let me remind you that I have killed before.*
Is it not enough that I put up with your periodic tantrums? Soothing them as best I can with hydration, exercise, favorite foods, occasional analgesics, and additional rest when I can attempt to achieve such a thing. I certainly won't demand anything in return for my care and attention, but you're disappointing and confusing me here, so I would greatly appreciate some logical consideration from your end.
Sincerely--
Me
*Technically insects, mostly mosquitoes, but also one or two trout.
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